


Once upon a Deadpool

by KasyStarchild



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Rapunzel (Fairy Tale)
Genre: 4th wall madness, Crack, Deadpool is Rapunzel, Deadpool is the only one who knows what's happening, Deadpool is trapped in a weird fanfiction, I Don't Even Know, I don't know what else to say, M/M, My brain is weird and I'm sorry, Seriously I am sorry, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Why Did I Write This?, why am i like this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 04:36:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17338721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KasyStarchild/pseuds/KasyStarchild
Summary: Basically the fairy tale Rapunzel but Deadpool is Rapunzel and is aware that he is a character in this fanfiction.





	Once upon a Deadpool

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah.......I don't know why you are reading this but enjoy I guess? And don't judge too hard because this is really just crack.

ONCE UPON A TIME in a far of Kingdom, there lived a princess in a tower. The princess had never left the tower, because the woman she called her mother had told her that the outside world was scary and would only harm the princess if she ever left the tower. But what the princess did not know was that the woman she thought to be her mother, in reality was a witch who had kidnapped the princess as a baby. The princess was truly beautiful and her hair was blonde and almost as long as the tower was high and-

_“Wait! Sorry to interrupt you deep and sexy voice from the off but are you talking about me? What the fuck mate! I am no princess! I’m not even a girl! My name is Deadpool and I kill people for a living. Mmmhh, I guess being stuck in this tower means that I’ve now become the subject of some girl’s weird fanfiction, that she’s writing to procrastinate the important things she should be doing right now. Well, I guess I could play along at least for a while, this might be fun….and at least she gave me this cool, purple dress to wear over my suit and oh my god! *squeee* there is a gorgeous wig in this tower too! And it’s pre-styled! Ok I’m sold! I’m gonna be you princess, but I swear to god you better have a handsome prince rescue me otherwise I will hunt you down and make you write your actual assignment instead of fun fanfictions!”_

*clears throat* The witch had called the princess “Rapunzel” and every time the witch would visit her in the tower, she would call from outside, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair!” Then Rapunzel would throw her long blond braid out of the window and the witch would grab hold of her hair like a rope. And that is how the witch climbed up the tower wall to the window in Rapunzel’s room.

_“Sorry the interrupt again but I don’t think this wig glue is going to be strong enough for tha-“_

**And that is how the witch climbed up the tower wall to the window in Rapunzel’s room!** *takes a deep breath* For many years this was Rapunzel’s torment. All she could do was to sing sad songs out of the window. Sometimes birds at the treetops would join in her songs. Then she would feel a bit better. But not much.

_“Ui I like birds! Can they be my best friends like Cinderella? I know, I know different fairy tale but still pretty please?”_

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair!”

_“OH MY GOD IS THAT MY PRINCE? PLEASE BE MY PRINCE! WHAT A SEXY VOICE! I’m coming my darling!”_

As Rapunzel was throwing down her hair to let her mother in, she-

_“MOTHER! BITCH THAT IS WOLVERINE AND YOU KNOW IT! I’d know that sexy raspy Hugh Jackman voice anywhere! Oh girl, you have a weird fantasy. Wolverine! Wovie! Hello! It’s me Wade, Deadpool! Wolvie?”_

“Rapunzel my darling daughter! It is your birthday and as you wished I made you your favourite meal-“

_“YOU MADE ME PIZZA? Wait is there even pizza in this au? Hello? Wolvie? *cough* Mother? Can you even hear me?”_

“I have made you a soup of herbs and mushrooms I found in the forest”, said the witch in her shrill voice as she fed Rapunzel the soup.

_“Force-feeding? Is this some kind of kinky shit? *almost choking* This is not even close to being sexy, especially not when you pretend that Wolvie over here is my fucking mom! Can we please skip to the part where I get rescued and live happily ever after?”_

“I must leave you now my child! I will be back soon.“, said the witch and kissed Rapunzel on the forehead.

_“Ewwww, I can feel his beard through my suit! Can I at least have a cool animal side kick like in Tangled? That would be awesome!”_

For hours after her mother left, she sang sad songs out the window. But she didn’t know that a prince was riding through the woods. He heard a beautiful singing voice. Where was it coming from? He rode closer and closer to the sound. At last, he came to the tower.

_“*singing* It hurts, but I remember every scar and I've learned but living is the hardest part. I can't believe what I did for love, I can't believe what I did for us! Crash and we burn into flames stitch myself up and I'd do it again. I can't believe what I did for love! *stops* What? You said I was singing sad songs! Is it time for a prince to come to end my misery?!”_

“This is odd!” he said, looking around the tower wall. “There is no door at the bottom. Yet someone is singing at the very top. How does anyone get in or out of there?” Each day, the prince came back to the tower. There was something about that voice that pulled him back. Who was that young woman singing at the top? Could he ever meet her?

_“Yes, gooooood pleeeaaaase!”_

One day when the prince rode up, he saw an old woman standing below the tower. He jumped behind a tree to hide. It was a witch! He heard her call out, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair!” A long blond braid was thrown out from a window at the very top. The old woman grabbed onto the braid. And she climbed the wall to the window at the top of the tower. “Ah, ha!” said the prince. “So that is how it is done!” He waited. After a bit, the braid was thrown from the window again. The witch climbed back down the tower wall. Then she left.

_“Again, sorry to interrupt, but after Wolvie climbed up my wig a bunch of times and almost snatched it, can’t we just magically teleport the prince up here? Ok no? Just a thought.”_

The prince waited. He stepped up to the tower. In a voice that sounded as much like the witch as he could, he called out, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair!” In a moment, the same long blond braid came out of the window. “It worked!” thought the prince. He climbed up the wall of the tower. You can be sure that Rapunzel was very surprised to see the prince climb into her window. She had never seen a person up close before other than the witch, and never a man! “Who are you?” she said in fear.

_“Oh no! Girl! I know exactly who he is! That is Spiderman and I swear if this one turns out to be the Tom Holland version when he gets rid of his mask, I will throw myself out of the window!”_

“Do not worry!” said the prince. “I am a friend.”

_“I just hope you’re my age!”_

“But I do not know you,” said Rapunzel.

_“Are you deaf? I said I know him!”_

“I feel as if I know you,” said the prince. “I have heard you sing songs from up here day after day. I love your voice! And I love it when the birds sing with you, too.” “Yes, I like that, too,” said Rapunzel. “It may be the only thing I like, since I must stay here in this same old tower, day after day, my whole life long.” Rapunzel told the prince about the witch. She told him that since the world was such a very bad place, she must always stay in the tower room.

_“*pulls up Spiderman’s mask* Thank goodness! It’s the Comic Version! Can we now fast forward the awkward flirting and have him carry me off? There are some things I always wanted to do with this one!”_

“But the world is not as bad as she says!” said the prince. He told Rapunzel about flowers and festivals, games and gardens. He told her about puppies and puddles, strawberries and sec-“

_“Ok I’ve had enough! If you could just stop the copy and pasting for one second and listen to me! I know this is your fantasy au but I’m not putting up with this humiliation anymore and now I’m taking control! Move away from the keyboard please!...................Thank you!”_

_Ok hello dear reader, I hope you made it this far! It’s me, Deadpool, or otherwise known as Rapunzel in this strange au and I’ve now hijacked this fanfiction. Let me spare you a lot of awkwardness and far too many details nobody asked for and let me tell you how this tale ends. After I realized that no one except I writer of this fanfiction could hear me but I could physically interact with the other characters and took Spidey and we jumped out of the window. Unfortunately, Spidey didn’t know he had Spidey Powers so we crashed on the floor. That hurt but luckily my body acted as a pillow so Spidey is fine! Lucky for us both I am still immortal in this au otherwise I would have accidently killed us both. Also, the fall seemed to have done something to Spidey’s head as afterwards he was able to hear me and see me for who I really am! After the initial shock and attempt to run away, I explained the situation and he agreed to give us a shot! I didn’t even need to kidnap him! Fast forward to now: everyone else still seems to see me as Rapunzel, so getting Spidey ta agree to marry me was an easy task. I’m happy to announce that I’m now being crowned Queen of whatever Kingdom this au takes place in! Ok yay, everyone's happy and I can go home now!_

_The end_

 

_Ps: If you don’t leave Kudos, me suffering through this humiliation was for nothing!_

_-Xoxo Deadpool-_


End file.
